I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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