haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
