this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
