I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You left your phone here
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