Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
