this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
