Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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