I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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