She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
