At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
