He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
