Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
