if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
