my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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