i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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