I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
