Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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