I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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