I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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