I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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