It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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