my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
