It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
