He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
