and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
