guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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