yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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