Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year

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(773): View more from Illinois

I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.

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(415): View more from California

He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.

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(301): View more from Maryland

you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.

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(630): View more from Illinois

My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

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(208): View more from Idaho

You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.

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(703): View more from Virginia

WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.

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