I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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