she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
