You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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