Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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