My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
