Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
