We won't sleep together?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize