i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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