I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize