If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
