Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
