yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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