I think scott just propositioned me for sex
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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