Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
