i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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