How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
