I want to walk on stilts...naked
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
