Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
