I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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