this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
