He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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