The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
