My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
