i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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