I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
