Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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