So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
