don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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