the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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