Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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