So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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