why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
