I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
