Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize