the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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