I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize