out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
