I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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