a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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