Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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