i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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