I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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