i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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