Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
