I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
