Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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