there's paper in my vomit.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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