i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
