Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
