Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
