Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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