Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
