I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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