I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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