Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
