Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
