finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
