if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
