my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
