On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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