Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
