somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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