i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
