You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
These tits shall not be calmed
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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