I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
