im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My penis needs a shock collar
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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