Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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