I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
