So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize