I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
