i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
