I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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