Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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