So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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